im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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