yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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