she was so not down for the gang bang
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
