We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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