i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
