My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well I just put wine in my tea
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
