hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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