Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
