apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize