My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
