my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We're too hungover to prance.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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