margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
