Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize