Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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