I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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