Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
