I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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