you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
