and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
