I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
