He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
