They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
