at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
