I am spending my child support on dildos
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
