Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
