glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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