i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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