Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
