Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
