And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize