you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
