Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
