At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
