Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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