Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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