If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
