So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
