I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
