I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
