maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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