I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just gift wrapped bread.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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