he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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