and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
They have beer where we have blood.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
