I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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