i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
