i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
