oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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