They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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