I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
