the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I have tasted many bathrooms
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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