Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
