I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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