Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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