Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
