I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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