did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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