Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
