I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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