Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
