I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
