can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
