I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
