Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
