dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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