Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize