Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
