He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
