I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
