you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize