quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
