dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
