its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
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