That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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