I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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