Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
