we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
