The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
