someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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