Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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