3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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