My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
