After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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