Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
