some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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