we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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