I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize