Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
